Can I speak to your supervisor? (No.)
Friday · 54 calls · 7 supervisor requests · 0 supervisors
Calls today: 54. Asked for a supervisor: 7. Supervisors available: 0, technically, because Bryce was at “a training” which is a webinar he watches with his camera off and his feet on the desk.
Here is a secret about call centers that I’m going to tell you for free. When you ask for a supervisor and I say “let me see if one is available,” I put you on hold and I sit there. I drink some water. I look at my nails. The hold music is a jazz version of a song I can’t name and I’ve heard it maybe forty thousand times. (I think it’s Total Eclipse of the Heart. I will never know. I will die not knowing.)
Then I come back and say “I’m so sorry, all our supervisors are with other customers, but I can arrange a callback within 48 hours.” The callback is a form. The form goes to a queue. I have never seen anyone come out of the queue. The queue is where calls go to think about what they’ve done.
Call 22: a man called Pete wanted a supervisor because I’d said “unfortunately.” He said “unfortunately” was a “negative word” and he didn’t appreciate negativity. I said I completely understood his frustration. He said he wasn’t frustrated, he was disappointed. I said I completely understood his disappointment. (I have no script for disappointment. I was freestyling.)
Call 38 asked for a supervisor in the first ten seconds, before I’d finished my name. “Thank you for calling ConnectaLink, my name is Mar—” “SUPERVISOR.” That one I respected a little. No messing about.
Call 51 was a woman who’d been on hold for 44 minutes. She didn’t ask for a supervisor. She said, “I’m not going to shout at you, you’ve probably had a day.” I said, “Thank you, I have.” And then I fixed her thing in two minutes and we chatted about her dog. Her dog’s name is Biscuit. I put Biscuit in the account notes. It isn’t allowed. (Let them fire me over Biscuit. I’d go out a hero.)
Bryce came back from his training and told us the new KPI is “customer delight.” He said it while eating a protein bar over my keyboard. There are crumbs in the F key now.
Weekend. I’m turning my own phone off and on again.